Tis’ the season…of weddings and this article recently appeared on the internet and caught my eye. In the Catholic Church, our Pre-Cana wedding program offers an inventory which the couple takes aimed at seeing how they view and understand important issues of marriage—everything from inter- and intra-family relations, child rearing issues, faith issues and even financial concerns and styles. The goal is to highlight any “red flags” or topics not yet discussed in detail by the couple before the walk down the aisle. A Sacramental marriage requires that people approach the wedding altar with a freedom to accept the sacrament complete with open eyes and with knowledge of both the “other” and the “self.” Here are some good conversation starters for all who are considering marriage:

What are your religious beliefs?
What are your political beliefs?
How do you feel about abortion?
What is your ideal career?
Are you in any debt?
What is your income?
How do you spend money?
How much is in your savings?
What is your biggest pet peeve?
How do you feel about monogamy?
Are you comfortable with my family?
Do I fit into your family?
Do you want children? How many?
What kind of parent do you think you will be?
What is your ideal place to live?
Do you want pets?
Will we raise our children in faith?
Are you comfortable with a nanny or daycare?
Do you use drugs, alcohol?
Do you feel comfortable prioritizing my family’s culture, such as religion or language?
Would you rather join our bank accounts or keep them separate?
How are we going to handle the household bills?
Do you gamble?
How do you feel about marriage?
What kind of wedding would you have?
Will we keep our surnames?
How much would you post on social media about our marriage, our children, personal photos?
Do you have any bad habits I should know about?
Do you get jealous?
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
What’s your ultimate deal-breaker?
What do the vows: “I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.”

While these may not be the only questions that need to be discussed before the wedding day, they do hit on many of the day-to-day issues of life that can lead to stress and struggles in a
marriage. As a priest I am surprised at times when I hear a couple say, “we haven’t discussed that yet.” Living together and sharing a home or dating for years does not necessarily mean that two people are communicating well about all issues which will come to play out in a marriage. Begin the conversation for a better, happier life together. Your future family depends on it.