A growing trend among some Roman Catholic families is to not have a funeral Mass for their deceased family members. Rather, they choose to have a “service” at the funeral home – sometimes with a priest and prayers, sometimes without.

What is the cause of this growing trend? I am sure there are many answers to that question. However, one unsettling trend appears to be the feeling that the death of an individual and their religious preferences are less about the deceased and more about the remaining family members of the deceased. When I ask the question as to why one chooses not to have a funeral Mass for “mom or dad,” who by the way attended weekly or daily Mass, the frequently offered response is something akin to “Oh, I don’t go to Mass or I no longer practice that faith.” Okay. But the funeral Mass is about your loved one who has died and their soul—and they had a deep and practiced faith which was very important to him or her.

When I was working on my MPA in gerontology a long time ago there was a growing concern at that time that families were not carrying out the wishes of older folks at the time of their death and professionals in the field recommended to the elderly to plan for their  wn funeral wishes—not to leave it up to others. It  almost seemed impossible that a son or daughter would not carry out their parents’ last wishes, particularly their faith-based wishes. But that unbelief is now a
 more practiced reality. And while inter-familial relationships have been and will be touchy situations in many circumstances, here we can focus on the meaning and intent of the funeral Mass, particularly as it relates to those who love and practice their Roman Catholic faith. 

While the funeral Mass is meant to bring peace and comfort to the bereaved family, it is primarily about the deceased person and their relationship (past and future) with God. In the funeral Mass we hear of the love which God has for His created beings. In the opening prayer and rites of the Mass we are told that we are saved (Baptism) by God in His love for all  creation; in the Liturgy of the Word of God we hear of the intimate care God has for our mortal bodies and for our immortal and invaluable souls, that God has a plan and a promise for us in eternity and desires our souls to rest in His Kingdom of Love; in the homily (and the eulogy which are two very different things) we are led to more deeply understand what God hopes for us in this life and for the life to come, where in the eulogy we hear an open expression of how the deceased person lived the image and likeness of Christ in their families, their marriage and in the community; we receive in Holy Communion—those of us left behind—the eternal promise that God loves us, forgives us and calls us to be nourished by Him; in the music we hear and feel the soothing presence of the Divine and know that He is with us in this life to
guide us in the Truth of faith and to help us carry out those Truths in our everyday lives; and, then in the concluding rites we once again are assured of the promise of God’s great love in the beautiful song of farewell.

But most of all, in the funeral Mass, we are reminded that life does not end but for those who
believe in Him it simply changes—and with mortal death we pass into eternal life. That for those who believe, God will welcome them home into His glory, assure them of unending happiness, provide for them a resurrection from unending death, meant as a separation from God. In heaven we shall all share in the divine attributes of God Himself. And to be given
this gift of salvation all we have to do is BELIEVE in Him.

A myth of the modern world is that funeral Masses are depressing and uninspiring. Really? When we hear about God’s love for our deceased loved one and of His promise of unending joy—living in a place of ongoing happiness, complete perfection, a place where pain and sin, sickness and division have no residence. That’s depressing and uninspiring? To hear music that lifts our soul from the wounds of this world and transports us to a place of glory, thats uninspiring?

The funeral Mass is an opportunity to hear a message that is personally powerful, communally
comforting, and sure to inspire us to take a new and open look at faith and God. This column might seem out-of-place in the Easter season as we talk of Christ’s Resurrection…but then again, it is about our resurrection in Christ—and that is the whole of the Easter season.

The funeral Mass is a celebration of the life of the one we have lost—their life among us and their life to come in the Kingdom of Heaven. In celebrating the rituals of the Church at difficult times, we comfort ourselves, we lift our hearts and heads to Christ, we recall the beauty of the loved one lost, and we respect their faith life by celebrating not just what they hoped for, but rather what they have received.